The roots of mom guilt

Under the pressure to raise successful kids, it’s easy for parents to blame themselves for all of their children’s struggles, writes Amy Paturel in The Washington Post. “Mom guilt” is rooted in the desire for parents to feel control over their child’s livelihood. “With this sort of ‘magical thinking,’ if you’re the cause, then you can be the solution,” says psychotherapist Dana Dorfman. And to some extent, the tendency to search for the cause of our kids’ problems in our own behavior is a good thing — it can help us to become better parents. But it can be self-defeating when it isn’t paired with self-compassion; Shame can harm a parent’s mental health, and even interfere with the parent-child relationship. “You wouldn’t tell your friend she’s responsible for her child’s autism, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder or mental health problems,” writes Paturel, “so don’t berate yourself for your children’s maladies.” [The Washington Post]