Author Archives: lizaborstlap

About lizaborstlap

My life journey humbled me in many ways. Writing helped me to heal, to grow and to learn about myself. Journaling is a lot like meditation, it brings a sense of calm to my day. “To let go and embrace healing is always the most courageous path. Forget the words and write your truth.” ~ Claire De Boer

you can’t wake a person that is pretending to be asleep

To remember

  • Learning to love parts of me that no one claps for. (Rudy Francisco)
  • Listening to myself > carrying a lot of unspoken stress.
  • Environment allowed to silence inner voice.
  • Want to feel that I am living the best life possible.
  • Did not give appropriate attention to blind spots in my life =>area where a person’s view is obstructed.
  • re-examine my life … again
  • We think we are safe in the bubble => we actually put ourselves in danger by becoming powerless.
  • group mentality doesn’t really offer fertile ground for creativity.
  • responsible for own moral + ethical landscape.
  • search for your blind spots
  • Examine your environment + ask hard questions
  • Freedom comes when we speak the truth. Even if our voices shake.
  • When truth revealed >  blind spot = weak spot.

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I am still learning to love the parts of me that no one claps for.
(Rudy Francisco)

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I was listening to myself speak lately and I realised that I was carrying a lot of unspoken stress. The emotions that I felt caught me completely off guard and I wondered why I allowed my environment to silence my inner voice.
I want to feel that I am living the best life possible.
I want to think that I am comfortable with my choices and that they are intentional.
I want to believe that I learned from previous mistakes and experiences.
I want people to experience me as a free spirit with an eclectic view on life.
Newsflash …!
I am so comfortable inside my own identity that I did not give appropriate attention to the blind spots in my life.

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Blind spot: an area where a person’s view is obstructed.
“the…

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let go… or be dragged

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I used to feel uncomfortable when people asked me why I am estranged from my family. It is difficult to explain a life-long struggle in a few sentences. How do you describe the rejection and the hurt? How do you share openly without being judged? People with strong relational families find it hard to understand.

It was a decision that left me with a limp.

How do I explain the fact that I used to live in constant fear; that I continuously questioned people’s intentions instead of embracing and enjoying the joy of companionship? Can one measure the amount of time it took to rebuild my capacity to trust others; to build a new support structure?

Sometimes the strongest thing you will ever do will be to let go of someone. It will be painful, you will suffer guilt, and you will second-guess yourself, but for your own sanity…

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don’t look at me in that tone of voice!

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice.
Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice.
Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.”

Roy T. Benett

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“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”
Kurt Vonnegut

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I have often been fascinated by people’s perspectives; the fact that two people can look at the same thing or event and experience totally opposite emotions.
I have seen siblings growing up in the same environment where one is adversely affected by something and the other continues with life as if nothing has happened.
I have seen people living in dire circumstances that encourage others that live in luxury.
I have seen people excel despite harrowing experiences.
I have seen the suffering of those living in close proximity to negative people and the ripple effect that it has on the spiritual temperature of a home.
I have often wondered if a person is born with a tendency to have a positive or a negative attitude.

“Attitude is a little thing…

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Patience is also a form of action

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Waiting is definitely a test. It tests our patience and our loyalty. It tests our love and our mercy. Waiting is not for the weak. (Lee Young)

I consider myself a patient person but waiting on God changed me forever. Waiting chiseled at my rough edges. It revealed to me my true character. It accentuated the distance between God and me.

I find it hard to deal with God’s silences. I want quick solutions to difficult problems and God’s timeline hardly ever aligns with mine.

Wait. Be patient. Why is it so easy to say, but so hard to do?

When I look back on the seasons of my life, I must admit that I act differently during the times of testing. My conversations with God often fill up with frustration and anger and it is difficult to keep impatience from spilling into my spiritual life. These are the times…

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even so, it is well with my soul

Rush to hospital > Chronic Kidney Failure Stage 3 > transfer to the Jacaranda Hospital > a nephrologist = lifesaver.

daughter seventeen years old > downward spiral soon classify her as Stage 4 chronic kidney disease (CKD) => need dialysis or kidney transplant in near future + many adjustments + Lifestyle changes. Dietary changes. Physical and emotional changes

witnessed her spiritual growth, she made peace with her own reality + all her energy focussed on finding natural ways to increase quality of her life.

learnt about humility

It is well with my soul …’ =  song written by Horatio Spafford, who experienced great personal loss. > in midst of his tragedy > able to rejoice in God’s goodness.

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Preceding articles:

When you stay in your lane, there’s no traffic.

Though disabled in the eyes of society able to do great things

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Save

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Trials teach us what we are; they dig up the soil, and let us see what we are made of.

Charles Spurgeon

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April 2006

She fell ill with a fever that I could not contain.  I rushed her to hospital late at night and before we could gather our bearings, she was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Failure Stage 3. I briefly remember admission into Little Company of Mary Hospital, the transfer to Pretoria Urology Hospital, the urologist telling me that the damage was so severe that they could not do a proper biopsy and another transfer to the Jacaranda Hospital where we met a nephrologist that would become a lifesaver. My daughter was seventeen years old.

I remember a downward spiral that would soon classify her as Stage 4.

A person with stage 4 chronic kidney disease (CKD) has advanced kidney damage with a severe decrease in the glomerular filtration rate

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requiem vir die sewende vrou

Sommer omdat iemand vandag weer gekarring het aan my vrede.

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(sestien jaar later)

dit is die ding met ‘n egskeiding
dit bly jou agtervolg
en as daar kinders is
word hulle strooipoppe in die wind
en as die regsaksies verby is
en jy stadig aan jou stilte wil teug
dan kom die laaste bepaling
en die woede wat jou weer wil verslind

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30 April 2016

ek wou my eers vererg
(nee, moenie laat ek nou vir myself staan en lieg nie)
ek hét my vererg
en diep geplunge na ‘n plek waarvan ek al vergeet het
anger, resentment, rooi-warm koors
nie eers die beautiful bont krabbels wat my buurvrou vir my gestuur het
kon my uitlig nie
en ek het met skaamte onthou
dat ek net nou die dag
vanaf my hoog-heilige troon vir iemand gesê het
nee man, moenie jou so ontstel nie
maar dis eers toe my eie nerwe afskuur
dat die onthou vlak kom sit
toe my kind…

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die seisoen draai vir my

 

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12 Augustus 2010

Ek voel elke dag ligter, daar is bande en strikke wat loskom en ek is dankbaar daarvoor. Dit is goed dat elke area in my lewe apart aangespreek word so dat ek nie iets mis nie. Ek doen baie introspeksie en het vir die eerste keer in jare tyd.
Mindspace.
Ek is nie spyt oor die besluite en keuses wat ek gemaak het nie, maar in retrospek sien ek die consequences. Ek gaan dit agter my sit.
Vryheid.
Om te weet ek het die beste gedoen wat ek in daardie oomblik gedink het, maar ek is nou vry daarvan.
Verwyte het nie meer plek nie, guilt nog minder.
Ek is losgemaak.
Nou span ek my lewe volgens God se plan en ek glo met my hele hart dat ek in purpose sal staan.
Ek begin oor.
Nuut.
God’s way en ek sien uit daarna.
Om nie meer hard te werk om co~dependent en disfunctional verhoudings in stand te hou nie. Dit is nie meer my selfopgelegde taak om die wiele aan die kar te hou nie.
Geen wonder ek het uitgebrand gevoel op elke terrein van my lewe nie.
As God my toegerus het vir die taak kan ek verantwoordelikheid aanvaar, maar buite my circle of influence kan ek net bid.
Dit is genoeg! Dit is bevrydend.
Ek glo ook nie meer die leuens oor my nie, alles wat oor my gespreek was nie.
Ek het probeer kompenseer deur al hoe meer toegewings te maak, my loon was kritiek en blaam.
God ken my hart, Hy ken my wil, Hy het my vergewe.
Hy seën my, ek het niks meer nodig nie.
Dit het my ‘n hele leeftyd geneem om hier te kom, maar dit is nie te laat nie.

Repentance is a decision that results in a change of mind, which in turn leads to a change of purpose and action.

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I love people who have been
through adversity and heartache and obstacles
as impossible as the sun itself.
They usually make it out with hearts as warm as gold.
Cores made of fire.
Lives soaked with full intention.
Hope like another morning.
They know how to start again ~
how to walk through walls
with palms wide open
And know how to begin at the edge, and the end.
Those to me are the best people.
(Victoria Erickson)

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I’ve never been rich,
but always wealthy,
giving and receiving
with my heart.
(C’Mor)

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re-frame obligation into conscious choices

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When I started writing this article, my mind wandered off to my early twenties.  I loved antique shops.  I would spend hours touching the beautiful furniture and imagining the history and stories behind every piece.  I really could not afford to buy any of these beauties, but soon found my way to the back of the shops.  I found the unwanted, broken and ugly pieces, often disguised in layers and layers of horrid paint. I made arrangements… sometimes worked in the shop as a casual, just to earn the items I wanted and to get them transported to my home.

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Restoration is not a glamorous task, I certainly did not have all the tools and skills that would have made this task easy.  I often found myself alone somewhere in the shade of a tree, wearing gardening gloves and applying paint stripper.  I often became so involved with the work…

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When you stay in your lane, there’s no traffic.

By Liza Borstlap

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I found personal happiness as a direct result of family conflict. The interaction left deep scars and I spent many years mourning the loss of my family and my relationships with them. It remains a questionable subject and not every person that I meet fully understands the extent of the consequences of my decision.

Looking back on my history with my family, I can identify the tipping point where I made a final decision that set me completely free.

A lifetime can well be spent correcting and improving one’s own faults without bothering about others. (Edward Weston)

Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before. (1 Thessalonians 4:11)

The wind blows where it pleases, you hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit. (John 3:8)

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We talk about family as if it is a perfect unit that shields the individual from a cruel society. We remain silent about the interference, the neglect, the labelling and toxic in-fighting that often leaves a person with a limp. We secretly cover the failures and mishaps until we can identify the black sheep that can take the blame.

I came to believe that the conflict in my family had created itself. I was suffocating from the indifference and interference in my life. The emotional agitation and stress became so unbearable that I had no inner peace left. For my own self-preservation, I became emotionally detached.

After the split, it took a long time for me to heal from the emotional damage. I hid myself away for a few years before I had the courage to look at my reality again. At first I was ashamed to admit to anyone that I had no contact with my family, which fuelled the misconception of what had actually happened. I inadvertently created a breeding field for lies to fester. I tried to compose myself by not taking other people’s emotions or perceptions too personally. I know of others who become insecure or who suffer from over-achievement, all in the pursuit of self-acceptance.

You cannot control anyone else’s journey through life. Focus on your own. Compassion, honesty, self-scrutiny, and an open mind are the only ‘one way’ to interact sanely and successfully with others. (Martha Beck)

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I had many moments of doubt when I questioned my sanity. I wondered about the impact of my decision on my children and wondered if my family even missed me, but I decided that I wouldn’t conform to society’s standards just for the sake of pretence. I realised in this isolated state that other people’s opinions do not define who I am in God’s eyes. I felt freedom. There were also days when I felt completely overwhelmed by the lack of any support system. I realised I was wasting a lot of energy on negative and false emotions.

I had a choice.

I chose to stay calm and focussed on God, despite the circumstances in my life, as God really is the only constant in life.

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Why do some people interfere in other people’s lives? Because they are curious… because they are control freaks… because they can ignore their own weaknesses if they focus on yours…

Life became easier when I started to focus on my own unique abilities, talents and giftings. I had complete freedom to raise my children in my own way. Only God would make it possible for us to survive and to prosper. We could tend to our own business.

Interfering in someone else’s argument is as foolish as yanking a dog’s ears. (Proverbs 26:17)

We hear that some of you are living in idleness. You are not busy working – you are busy interfering with other people’s lives! We order and encourage such people by the Lord Jesus, the Messiah, to do their work quietly and to earn their own living. Brothers, do not get tired of doing what is right. (2 Thessalonians 3:11-13)

Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. (1 Timothy 5:13)

I have a different perspective on the quality of relationships that I allow in my life today. If I don’t meet my own minimum requirements, I will always value other people’s opinions more than my own. The minute I fear rejection, I compromise my own well-being.

I often heard the statement that ‘happiness is an inside job’, but I know now that the people around me have a profound impact on my well-being. If I am dragged down by other people’s opinions about my life, or if someone is constantly reminding me about past failures, I see no value in the relationship. I am careful of people who keep lies alive through gossip or slander.

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Let every fox take care of its own tail. (Italian Proverb)

Keep your nose out of another’s mess. (Denmark Proverb)

Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people. (Eleanor Roosevelt)

After many years of swinging between certainty and doubt, I found my final solace in the Bible. The Old Testament is filled with stories of family conflict and disrupted relationships. More often than not, the feud resulted in a good outcome.

I know today that God sometimes allows conflict for a specific purpose. When that happens to me, He covers me with His grace.

God has evoked conflict. The conflict causes pain and shame to every player, but God doesn’t shrink from the conflict, for a holy purpose is underway. The way of God will not be explained. (Brueggemann)

God’s grace often goes against propriety, social convention, and the ‘normal’ way for this world. (Steven Fettke)

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I walk away when…

Someone gives me unsolicited advice.

I wonder if someone really wants to help me, or if they are just curious.

My situation affects someone else.

Someone intrudes on my turf.

I feel blind sighted.

I feel like a fish being reeled into someone else’s issues.

Good advice

If you overhear something of note between two people, or a group of people, but the topic does not concern you or affect you in any way, then let the matter stay between the people it concerns. (Unknown)

There is nothing more provocative than minding your own business. (William S. Burroughs)

Don’t bother to ring a bell in the ear that doesn’t listen. Move to another ear, and if he doesn’t listen to your bell, sit back and listen to his nemesis. (Michael Bassey Johnson)

You would be very surprised with how much positive changes you could make in your life, if you could make it your top priority to mind your own business. (Edmond Mbiaka)

To be busy minding other people’s business, is to leave one’s personal business unattended to. (Edmond Mbiaka)

While you are too busy minding other people’s business, who is minding yours? (Edmond Mbiaka)

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stukkies onthou

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image31 Augustus 2016
Dít het ek oor die lewe geleer…dit gaan aan…

22 Junie 2010
Draai
Be still and know that I am God
Hy weét
Preparation meets opportunity so sê Charlotte
Die fyn lyn om nie weer in te gryp nie
Om nie te survive nie
Nie te panic nie
Wag op Hom
Hy is my kans, my Redder
Hy sál my lei

Iewers in Junie 2010
Waar is ek op hierdie oomblik?
Wat voel ek?
Wat dink ek?

Ek kan nie sê dat ek deurmekaar is nie,
want daar is stilte in my kop.
Nothingness…

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10 Augustus 2010
ek het gesukkel om ou bokse
doelbewus
weer oop te maak
en na gisteraand se teaching
besef ek dat ek die
gemors kan kill
wegry asgate toe
ek sal vra vir confirmation
maar hier waar
ek nou is
voel dit reg
God is groot
en kragtig
aan die werk
hier

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