Tag Archives: Well-being

Seeking meaning, not happiness, will make you happier

A true believer in Christ Jesus even surrounded with lots of difficulties shall be able to receive the pleasures and well-being of their hope in the promises of God.
As such their happiness may be an unintended side effect of their personal dedication to a greater cause than many human pleasures and greater than oneself or as the by-product of their surrender to the Most High Divine Being, Jehovah God.

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Preceding article

Greeting a person to give happiness

Antidotes for Chimps

peter-lloyd-609343-unsplash.jpgPhoto by Peter Lloyd on Unsplash

One of the most stinging ironies of our species is the pursuit of happiness, an idea that is tragically self-defeating. Like the donkey being pushed forward by a glistening carrot that will forever elude him, pursuing happiness will position it just out of reach, but close enough for us to continue striving. It’s right there to be taken – so near and yet so far – if our grasping mitts were just a little longer.

As it turns out, happiness is incidental. It cannot be obtained by striving, and by doing so you’re making an ass of yourself. This is known as the paradox of hedonism, the idea that seeking happiness/pleasure only serves to hinder it, and in fact, you’re more likely to be happier if you quit your foolish efforts.

An example from Wikipedia illustrates the concept perfectly:

“Suppose Paul likes to…

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Filed under Being and Feeling, Health affairs, Lifestyle, Re-Blogs and Great Blogs, Social affairs, Welfare matters

When you stay in your lane, there’s no traffic.

By Liza Borstlap

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I found personal happiness as a direct result of family conflict. The interaction left deep scars and I spent many years mourning the loss of my family and my relationships with them. It remains a questionable subject and not every person that I meet fully understands the extent of the consequences of my decision.

Looking back on my history with my family, I can identify the tipping point where I made a final decision that set me completely free.

A lifetime can well be spent correcting and improving one’s own faults without bothering about others. (Edward Weston)

Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before. (1 Thessalonians 4:11)

The wind blows where it pleases, you hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit. (John 3:8)

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We talk about family as if it is a perfect unit that shields the individual from a cruel society. We remain silent about the interference, the neglect, the labelling and toxic in-fighting that often leaves a person with a limp. We secretly cover the failures and mishaps until we can identify the black sheep that can take the blame.

I came to believe that the conflict in my family had created itself. I was suffocating from the indifference and interference in my life. The emotional agitation and stress became so unbearable that I had no inner peace left. For my own self-preservation, I became emotionally detached.

After the split, it took a long time for me to heal from the emotional damage. I hid myself away for a few years before I had the courage to look at my reality again. At first I was ashamed to admit to anyone that I had no contact with my family, which fuelled the misconception of what had actually happened. I inadvertently created a breeding field for lies to fester. I tried to compose myself by not taking other people’s emotions or perceptions too personally. I know of others who become insecure or who suffer from over-achievement, all in the pursuit of self-acceptance.

You cannot control anyone else’s journey through life. Focus on your own. Compassion, honesty, self-scrutiny, and an open mind are the only ‘one way’ to interact sanely and successfully with others. (Martha Beck)

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I had many moments of doubt when I questioned my sanity. I wondered about the impact of my decision on my children and wondered if my family even missed me, but I decided that I wouldn’t conform to society’s standards just for the sake of pretence. I realised in this isolated state that other people’s opinions do not define who I am in God’s eyes. I felt freedom. There were also days when I felt completely overwhelmed by the lack of any support system. I realised I was wasting a lot of energy on negative and false emotions.

I had a choice.

I chose to stay calm and focussed on God, despite the circumstances in my life, as God really is the only constant in life.

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Why do some people interfere in other people’s lives? Because they are curious… because they are control freaks… because they can ignore their own weaknesses if they focus on yours…

Life became easier when I started to focus on my own unique abilities, talents and giftings. I had complete freedom to raise my children in my own way. Only God would make it possible for us to survive and to prosper. We could tend to our own business.

Interfering in someone else’s argument is as foolish as yanking a dog’s ears. (Proverbs 26:17)

We hear that some of you are living in idleness. You are not busy working – you are busy interfering with other people’s lives! We order and encourage such people by the Lord Jesus, the Messiah, to do their work quietly and to earn their own living. Brothers, do not get tired of doing what is right. (2 Thessalonians 3:11-13)

Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. (1 Timothy 5:13)

I have a different perspective on the quality of relationships that I allow in my life today. If I don’t meet my own minimum requirements, I will always value other people’s opinions more than my own. The minute I fear rejection, I compromise my own well-being.

I often heard the statement that ‘happiness is an inside job’, but I know now that the people around me have a profound impact on my well-being. If I am dragged down by other people’s opinions about my life, or if someone is constantly reminding me about past failures, I see no value in the relationship. I am careful of people who keep lies alive through gossip or slander.

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Let every fox take care of its own tail. (Italian Proverb)

Keep your nose out of another’s mess. (Denmark Proverb)

Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people. (Eleanor Roosevelt)

After many years of swinging between certainty and doubt, I found my final solace in the Bible. The Old Testament is filled with stories of family conflict and disrupted relationships. More often than not, the feud resulted in a good outcome.

I know today that God sometimes allows conflict for a specific purpose. When that happens to me, He covers me with His grace.

God has evoked conflict. The conflict causes pain and shame to every player, but God doesn’t shrink from the conflict, for a holy purpose is underway. The way of God will not be explained. (Brueggemann)

God’s grace often goes against propriety, social convention, and the ‘normal’ way for this world. (Steven Fettke)

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I walk away when…

Someone gives me unsolicited advice.

I wonder if someone really wants to help me, or if they are just curious.

My situation affects someone else.

Someone intrudes on my turf.

I feel blind sighted.

I feel like a fish being reeled into someone else’s issues.

Good advice

If you overhear something of note between two people, or a group of people, but the topic does not concern you or affect you in any way, then let the matter stay between the people it concerns. (Unknown)

There is nothing more provocative than minding your own business. (William S. Burroughs)

Don’t bother to ring a bell in the ear that doesn’t listen. Move to another ear, and if he doesn’t listen to your bell, sit back and listen to his nemesis. (Michael Bassey Johnson)

You would be very surprised with how much positive changes you could make in your life, if you could make it your top priority to mind your own business. (Edmond Mbiaka)

To be busy minding other people’s business, is to leave one’s personal business unattended to. (Edmond Mbiaka)

While you are too busy minding other people’s business, who is minding yours? (Edmond Mbiaka)

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Filed under Geestelijke aangelegenheden, Knowledge & Wisdom, Quotations from Holy Scriptures, Quotations or Citations, Spiritual affairs

Family happiness and little things we do

The actions we undertake daily and seem to be such ‘little things’ we do in our everyday life, go further than we anticipate in solidifying or weakening the relationships in families. At the end of the track they proof to be very important and a necessity to have been structured in solid clay.

Many may think that annual family vacations have to be going abroad and that we all have to be partakers of worldly traditional feasts, like Christmas celebrations and Valentine’s Day gift-giving practices which have become integral consumption rituals in contemporary families. These man made artificial celebrations are no guaranty to family happiness. It is a wrong idea to think a family can not be happy when it does not celebrate Christmas, Easter or any other heathen or so called Christian feast.

Those who want to keep to God’s Will and as such abstain from the heathen feasts like Halloween, Christmas, Easter, still can enjoy very happy moments together. All the material presents may be very nice surprises with bring joy, but they also can be given at other moments. And all family members should be aware that it is not the material which brings happiness, but the feeling of being together and sharing a happy time with each other.

We have been socialised by media, family and other social institutions to dedicate more attention to these rather conspicuous consumption experiences and have gradually become less concerned of the importance of the mundane, everyday consumption behaviour to our relationships and overall family wellbeing.

In many families we can see that parent buy their children. When divorced and one parent gives something the other parent want to give something more expensive and bigger.

we fail to recognise and appreciate the underpinning significance of these frequently taken-for-granted consumption experiences to happiness, satisfaction and stability in our family relationships. Instead we seek to construct family bonding through perhaps rather superficial, conspicuous consumption acts such as buying expensive gifts for loved ones, committing to elaborative annual family holidays and following extensive Christmas rituals.

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Preceding articles:

Families with four or more kids most happiest

How to Raise a Happy Child

 

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Additional reading:

  1. Self-development, self-control, meditation, beliefs and spirituality
  2. Focus on outward appearances
  3. Being Religious and Spiritual 8 Spiritual, Mystic and not or well religious
  4. Holidays, holy days and traditions
  5. Thanksgivukkah and Advent
  6. Autumn traditions for 2014 – 6 Bonfire night
  7. Halloween custom of the nations
  8. Autumn traditions for 2014 – 1: Sinterklaas and Zwarte Piet
  9. Christian values, traditions, real or false stories, pure and upright belief
  10. Why we do not keep to a Sabbath or a Sunday or Lord’s Day #3 Days to be kept holy or set apart
  11. A season of gifts
  12. Irminsul, dies natalis solis invicti, birthday of light, Christmas and Saturnalia
  13. Wishing lanterns and Christmas
  14. Christmas, Saturnalia and the birth of Jesus
  15. God’s Special Gift
  16. Christmas customs – Are They Christian?
  17. The Evolution Of Passover–Past To Present
  18. Who Celebrates Easter as Religious Holiday
  19. Eostre, Easter, White god, chocolate eggs, Easter bunnies and metaphorical resurrection
  20. Easter: Origins in a pagan Christ
  21. 14-15 Nisan and Easter
  22. 14 Nisan a day to remember #4 A Lamb slain
  23. Easter holiday, fun and rejoicing
  24. Not bounded by labels but liberated in Christ
  25. Seven Bible Feasts of JHWH

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Filed under Lifestyle, Re-Blogs and Great Blogs, Religious affairs, Social affairs