Detachment by Family problems

In the previous article Liza Borstlap writes

I came to believe that the conflict in my family had created itself.

It would be lovely if we all could grow up in very close lovely families which can give us everything we need. Though it does not work that way. The world is not made in such a way that all can be born at the right good place, in the right good class, receiving all the good education or even being all very bright.

First Lady Michelle Obama reads “The Cat in the Hat” to children in Ms. Mattie’s class at Prager Child Development Center March 12, during her visit to Fort Bragg, N.C. The First Lady spoke with Soldiers and Family members as part of her initiative to care for military families. First Lady vows support for military families (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Even when all the material richness would be there when you are born in a rich family it does not mean you will find the luck to have a good relationship between all the members of that family.

Wherever we may be born in whatever for family we are just part of one big turmoil. Every day, people’s lives are touched by political, social, economic, and religious conflicts that tear the human family apart. In these conflicts, it is common for people to take sides — verbally or otherwise — with the nation, tribe, language group, or social class of which they are a part.
Even when people are not directly involved in some conflict, they often find themselves favouring one side over another. But regardless of which person or cause they endorse, to whom are they really giving support?

The Bible plainly states:

“The whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one.” (1 John 5:19)

Families are not always such perfect units that shields the individual from a cruel society. Mostly we do find that in those families where there are no rules and morals and no eye for ethics the chances of getting derailed are grater than in religious families where certain religious rules go over the human will.

We must come to see we too can often be the cause of a problem. We too can be making problems even bigger than they are. Also by becoming indifferent for what goes on we can get ourselves in a deeper mess than we would love to see ourselves. Indifference in the end shall create emotional agitation and stress which shall become so unbearable that the person shall find no inner peace left. Danger then is that one tries to look for detachment, thinking it can preserve the self.

Another big problem is when people are not open enough to tell each-other what is on their liver. When not willing to let yourself be seen by the other like you are, you are that other person not giving the opportunity to get to know you, like you are really. It is by not having the open spirit to allow each other to be him or herself that restrictions are also laid on each other. When people than start remaining silent about the interference, the neglect, the labelling and toxic in-fighting, that often leaves a person with a limp and the frustration may ferment the malfunction in the own body as well as in the facility of being part of one united family.

It is not by secretly covering our own failures and mishaps until we can identify the black sheep that can take the blame, that we are going to come to a good solution. The opposite, that will bring us deeper in the well.

Deep in us may we find it screwing and tormenting. Our head can becoming spinning and looking for answers, but not seeing the places where those answers are easy to pick up. This deep-seated conflict between the desire to know and the inability to find the answer has tormented thinkers and philosophers throughout the ages. However, since God has put that yearning or desire in our heart, is it not logical to look to him to provide what is needed to satisfy that desire? After all, the Bible says of Jehovah:

“You are opening your hand and satisfying the desire of every living thing.” (Psalm 145:16)

For all those conflict which are between the family members, those persons should come to see what binds them, what makes it that they are brother and sister and that their is something in their blood which is more than special, even unique.

Even when we do feel so much hurt by our own family members, we should come over the point of being selfish and come to see that we can be a necessary link to heal the wounds made previously.

Being kind to those in our family involves following the admonition of the apostle Paul:

“Really put them all away from you, wrath, anger, badness, abusive speech, and obscene talk out of your mouth.”

Every day, Christian families should communicate with one another in a respectful manner. Why? Because good communication is the lifeblood of strong, healthy families. When disagreements arise, to smooth the conflict, try to solve the problem rather than win the argument. Happy family members make an earnest effort to promote kindness and consideration for one another. — Colossians 3:8, 12-14.

By turning to God’s Word, the Bible, we can find satisfying explanations about life and death and about God’s eternal purpose regarding the earth and the human family. — Ephesians 3:11.

Kindness is positive and makes us want to do good to others. Thus, we seek to be useful, considerate, and helpful in an agreeable manner with other family members. It takes both individual and collective effort to show the type of kindness that speaks well of a family. As a result, not only will they have God’s blessing but, in the congregation and in the community, they will honour the God of kindness, Jehovah. — 1 Peter 2:12.

When frustrated, when in conflict with members of the family it would be best to seek Biblical advice and to put your own “self” not in the centre but alongside all others in the family. By going to look for answers in the Holy Scriptures solutions may be found. Even when others do not want to know of God, you yourself will be able to change so much that your improved attitude shall be helpful to heal the wounds.

Seeing all the conflicts around us we also should try to become part of them. Best we take on a form of neutrality. Taking care of not to become misled with what is going on around us we should show others the other way to come closer to each other and to have agapé love.

We ourselves should know that our time on earth is limited and that we should make the best of it. Our hope should be in the coming new world, and it is that idea that we should share with those around us. Our task is to come up for others and to protect them, but we must know that we can not take them or ourselves out of this world. (John 17:15, 16) We live in this world and have to live with it, but that does not mean we have to live according to it. No, we have to live according to God’s Law and by following His word many blessings may come over us already in this life. By not wanting to be part of this world, but by being part of God’s world we shall find ways to bring the love of Christ over unto others as well and then the love of Christ may also grow deeper in us.  .

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Preceding articles:

When you stay in your lane, there’s no traffic.

Family happiness and little things we do

Families with four or more kids most happiest

.under the gazebo.

How to Raise a Happy Child

Crisis man needed in this world

Dissolve The Barriers You Created

What is important?

Learning that stuff is just stuff

72 Synod Fathers on the topic “The vocation and mission of the family in the Church and the contemporary world”

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Additional reading

1. Behold, My mother and My brothers!
2. Importance of parents 1
3. Importance of parents 2
4. Father and motherhood
5. Youngsters, parents and the search to root in life
6. Some one or something to fear #4 Families and Competition
7. Teach children the Bible
8. Poverty and conservative role patterns
9. Dignified role for the woman
10. Connection between women and environmental sustainability
11. Three years ago and look back at several decennials ago
12. Growing rift between observant parents and their children
13. Synod of Bishops concerning minors
14. Two synods and life in the church community
15. Need to Embrace People Where They Are
16. Conclusion of the synod of bishops for seeing the family in the light of the Gospel and church tradition
17. Don’t be the weakest link
18. I’m not a Mooch
19. Patience is the ability to count down before blasting off
20. Agape, a love to share with others from the Fruit of the Spirit
21. Better loaves when the heart is joyous
22. Jehovah’s Witnesses Shunning ex-members adverse effects on family relationships
23. Agape, a love to share with others from the Fruit of the Spirit

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Further reading

1. Conflict: Understanding Suspense
2. Understanding others
3. Understanding between religions
4. Urges
5. Subconflict, and Lots of It
6. Fighting words: The role of conflict in fiction writing.
7. No one listening? Then stop shouting, you might get heard
8. The Rise and Fall of Action – for all levels
9. Never Doubt Yourself
10. Remembering Infinity: Caution…Egos at Work!
11. Follow your heart when it’s in conflict with your brain!!!
12. Can the World Bank Reduce Conflict in Nigeria by Providing Social Assistance?
13. I Find my self conflicted
14. Governance in a Mature Society, Part 2
15. Communicating With Family – How to Let a Family Member Know They Hurt You
16. Blessings and Duct Tape: How to Help Your Kids Get Along
17. Stand Firm
18. Hope For Battle Weary Mamas
19. Family Conflict and Summer: The Best Time To Work Out Issues
20. The father-child meeting
21. The Problem With Beliefs
22. Fighting With Your Spouse: How You Indirectly Effect Your Child
23. 6 Tips for Handling Family Conflicts While Caregiving
24. 10 Things You Need To Hear If Your Significant Other And Your Family Don’t Get Along
25. Hurt People Hurt People
26. Divorce: Part 1
27. Divorce: Part 2, the minor problem
28. Their’s Was A Perpetual Love Affair
29. Depression: Postpartum Depression in Mothers
30. Personality: The Birth Order Effect
31. Frustration
32. Finding Home
33. The Very Best Way To Understand Grace
34. Just like Granny told you, “Count your blessings!”

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Family happiness and little things we do

The actions we undertake daily and seem to be such ‘little things’ we do in our everyday life, go further than we anticipate in solidifying or weakening the relationships in families. At the end of the track they proof to be very important and a necessity to have been structured in solid clay.

Many may think that annual family vacations have to be going abroad and that we all have to be partakers of worldly traditional feasts, like Christmas celebrations and Valentine’s Day gift-giving practices which have become integral consumption rituals in contemporary families. These man made artificial celebrations are no guaranty to family happiness. It is a wrong idea to think a family can not be happy when it does not celebrate Christmas, Easter or any other heathen or so called Christian feast.

Those who want to keep to God’s Will and as such abstain from the heathen feasts like Halloween, Christmas, Easter, still can enjoy very happy moments together. All the material presents may be very nice surprises with bring joy, but they also can be given at other moments. And all family members should be aware that it is not the material which brings happiness, but the feeling of being together and sharing a happy time with each other.

We have been socialised by media, family and other social institutions to dedicate more attention to these rather conspicuous consumption experiences and have gradually become less concerned of the importance of the mundane, everyday consumption behaviour to our relationships and overall family wellbeing.

In many families we can see that parent buy their children. When divorced and one parent gives something the other parent want to give something more expensive and bigger.

we fail to recognise and appreciate the underpinning significance of these frequently taken-for-granted consumption experiences to happiness, satisfaction and stability in our family relationships. Instead we seek to construct family bonding through perhaps rather superficial, conspicuous consumption acts such as buying expensive gifts for loved ones, committing to elaborative annual family holidays and following extensive Christmas rituals.

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Preceding articles:

Families with four or more kids most happiest

How to Raise a Happy Child

 

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Additional reading:

1. Self-development, self-control, meditation, beliefs and spirituality
2. Focus on outward appearances
3. Being Religious and Spiritual 8 Spiritual, Mystic and not or well religious
4. Holidays, holy days and traditions
5. Thanksgivukkah and Advent
6. Autumn traditions for 2014 – 6 Bonfire night
7. Halloween custom of the nations
8. Autumn traditions for 2014 – 1: Sinterklaas and Zwarte Piet
9. Christian values, traditions, real or false stories, pure and upright belief
10. Why we do not keep to a Sabbath or a Sunday or Lord’s Day #3 Days to be kept holy or set apart
11. A season of gifts
12. Irminsul, dies natalis solis invicti, birthday of light, Christmas and Saturnalia
13. Wishing lanterns and Christmas
14. Christmas, Saturnalia and the birth of Jesus
15. God’s Special Gift
16. Christmas customs – Are They Christian?
17. The Evolution Of Passover–Past To Present
18. Who Celebrates Easter as Religious Holiday
19. Eostre, Easter, White god, chocolate eggs, Easter bunnies and metaphorical resurrection
20. Easter: Origins in a pagan Christ
21. 14-15 Nisan and Easter
22. 14 Nisan a day to remember #4 A Lamb slain
23. Easter holiday, fun and rejoicing
24. Not bounded by labels but liberated in Christ
25. Seven Bible Feasts of JHWH

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• CFP: IMPAG XVI, The archaeology of consumption in Ireland c.1550-1950
• Hop On Board the Easter Bunny Express
• Gift Jealous of Gift
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• ‘Pumpkin creep’: Orange-you glad it’s nearly October?
• If a relative doesn’t give, should he or she still get?
• How the Catholic Church included paganism to create Easter, Christmas, Good Friday
• Ready or Not, Christmas Shopping Has Begun

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How to Raise a Happy Child

Living together demands respect for each other and willingness to offer each other time to develop, to have some time for the self, but also to share thoughts and several moments of togetherness and feeling of unity per day.

Today to many families have to face falling apart because not enough time is spent for each other, and too many are to much involved in their own ego and receiving, instead of willing to give to the other.

We all should spend more time in the willingness to share and consider that it is better to live and let live without harassing or embarrassing others to make one feel good and happier by putting others down.

A Little Happiness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For a peaceful, contentment, with calm, inner good feeling we should allow our body speak properly and not hide things for each other. We should not mind expressing ourselves with smiles, joy, laughter and dancing.

Whatever happiness translates into in personal context this happiness should be shared with those around us.

A family can find happiness when its members are willing to see the beauty in everything, including fragrance in roses not just thorns, respecting each-others differences.  Consideration is required to careful take note of the measures taken to enjoy happiness. One’s happiness is inclusive of other’s happiness, so policies on world happiness well-being measures involve primary life evaluations of all people on earth.

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To remember:

most important contributor  = doing things as a family

setting expectations and clear rules, but not having too high expectations

working together

encouraging a feeling of camaraderie and a sense of being part of the team

feeling to be in this together > One for all and all for one.

feeling loved and giving love giving recognition for jobs done > Pats on the back from parents and “I love yous”

living in the present, not bringing back bad things that happened in the past

getting along and being respectful of each other = no screaming matches, no name-calling, no constant criticisms

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Preceding articles:

Families with four or more kids most happiest

Family happiness and little things we do

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Doris Wild Helmering

Lots of tools for raising a healthy, happy child. Family time is important.
Are your children happy?

Even though happiness is genetically linked, only about 50 percent of happiness is driven by genes. The other 50 percent is driven by what happens to a child on a daily basis.

One of the most important contributors to a child’s happiness is doing things as a family. Nothing feels so good as when a family goes biking, hiking or spends part of the day at the zoo.

I know one family who has designated Wednesday nights as family night. This is the night nothing interferes. They have dinner and then play board games. Even the 17-year old participates. “Once you set a night and stick to it month after month, year after year, it becomes the expectation,” says the mother, “and our children look forward to it.”

Another happiness ingredient is working…

View original post 359 more words

.under the gazebo.

Family happiness is hidden in small things and in the moments we can share with each other. Laughing and making fun together on sunny but also on rainy days.

thebugsmommy's blog

a little family fun under the gazebo during a beautiful afternoon at the park…

View original post

Families with four or more kids most happiest

Coming from a big family, I myself also wanted to have a big family, being convinced in such environment the kids can learn how to socialise, to communicate and to cope with different difficult situations. Though I do agree sometimes when the household is too big it is in later generations not always easy to keep contact with each other. therefore personally I think 4 or 5 kids is an ideal.

A family portrait with parents and four daughters. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

According to a study by Australia’s Edith Cowan University, Dr. Bronwyn Harman, of the psychology and social science school at the university, after five years studying what types of families are most content, found out that parents of large families have the most life satisfaction.

During her five-year study, Harman interviewed hundreds of parents from different family makeups. Her findings are based on resilience, social support, self-esteem, and life satisfaction.

Family therapist Lois Braverman, president and CEO of the Ackerman Institute for the Family in New York City, says larger families are probably happier because they always have someone to talk to and count on. They face less isolation. But, despite family size, she says the number one thing that determines happiness is family processes like positive parenting, setting boundaries, showing love and offering consistency.

I also think they learn to be patient with each other and always find ways to enjoy some time together. This time spending with each other is according to me the most important factor to bring happiness in the family. The study also mentioned this sharing time as important factor of happiness, like watching together to television, sitting around the table having lunch together and sharing ideas.

 

Find out more:

Researcher Finds Pattern among Happiest Parents

New study finds that despite the chaos, large families are happiest

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Een Nederlandse versie: Gezin met vier of meer kinderen gelukkigst

Bring Back My Happiness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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