Tag Archives: Being in control

Elders advice

Let.Love.Speak

elder-1425733_640Elder

Don’t get too distracted by my skin, the color of my hair, it’s my journey that counts. I’ve experienced a lot, seen a lot, survived a lot, I’ve earned my place in life. I can tell you things to help you out of some of your troubles, and I can also tell you that I’m still learning. We don’t have control over much, so it’s best to make the best out of what we have-there’s no use in complaining. We’re all in this together, I’m still human.

©Let.Love.Speak

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Careful not to fuel the anger in this world

With all the negative news and the many terrorist acts we do have to be careful not to fuel the anger in this world.

The Anger and the Truth

The Anger and the Truth (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Many people show straight ahead their anger when they hear something bad again happened. by doing so they often also use certain words and phrases they might regret later.

We should recognize that the anger we are letting out can be absorbed and carried by those around us making them also to take a certain attitude or getting them to be defensive, they also becoming angry themselves and beginning to express it in their own ways.

The anger we put out into the world goes on to perpetuate more anger, and more energies that are negative, all around us. Even worse, it indiscriminately disrupts and pollutes the waters of our souls. Much of this can be solved, however, by finding healthy ways to deal with our anger, such as waiting to express it until we have had some time to cool down and to process it ourselves in our minds and in our hearts. Often times, as we wait on our anger, we find that it actually diminishes–that as time goes by, the heat from our emotions begins to evaporate, and we are simply left with the actual problem. At this point, we can have a chat with the individuals who made us angry and we can work on resolving the issues in healthy and productive ways.

writes Dr Austin Ejaife *(Ugo1)* in his latest article: (please find out more about it there) > Manage Your Anger!

We should ourselves be in control over our own anger, but also should be aware we can do much more than we think about the anger of others around us.

What we can choose though is how we react to that initial anger. {Anger, it’s a choice}

Do not mind what others do, but stay yourself and keep in control over yourself, even when others are trying out to get you out of control or when there are many things witch irritate you.

Christians should learn to be stronger than the one who tempts us to be angry. The follower of Christ should try to do as their master teacher, staying in control of the tongue. No matter how the other may react badly or negatively to us we should try to stay polite and friendly. In a way we should try to disarm them with our friendliness. We should not respond in an unkind way, through God’s power and His protection in our lives we should “slough off the strife of the tongue”.

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Preceding articles

Coming Out Of The Bipolar Closet

112314 – A Peculiar People

Thought for today: Slow To Wrath

We all have to have dreams

Unspoken

The Mountain: Radical Love

Restitution

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Find additional reading

  1. Running away from the past
  2. Unconditional love
  3. Be holy
  4. The business of this life
  5. The first on the list of the concerns of the saint
  6. Be ye angry and sin not
  7. Malefactors becoming your master
  8. She who sows thistles will reap prickles
  9. He who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger
  10. God does not change
  11. Singing gift from God

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Further reading

  1. What I (Don’t) Like About Me
  2. Clipped Wings
  3. Have an Emotional Emergency Kit 
  4. Who Do I Call When I Get A Bad Customer?
  5. Rant
  6. Why Are People So Mean on the Internet?
  7. Awkwardness
  8. Anger is not a proper substitution for sadness 
  9. Bad Memory
  10. Are you handling your anger, or is your anger handling you?
  11. Recovering from Anger and Hatred
  12. Full Circle
  13. Anger management
  14. Sombre
  15. Can You Hear Me Now?
  16. sometimes, just shut up.
  17. Recently I have realised….
  18. Bread – Strife
  19. no peace of mind
  20. The Do Over #02: Anger
  21. Au Revoir, Nerd Rage: Trading Weak, Pent-Up Teen Angst For Masculine Self-Awareness
  22. Irritation and anger
  23. Lust over love?
  24. Don’t!
  25. The worst blog I’ve ever written
  26. Bite back your tongue
  27. Do I want to get better?
  28. You Can’t Be Happy if You Are Mad
  29. Personal Post Time: Brain Fights
  30. anger
  31. Clouds 
  32. Anger: Unmet Expectations
  33. Hidden
  34. Parenting: You’re Driving Me Crazy
  35. sick
  36. Mid-August again
  37. Sick of it, sick of it, absolutely sick of it..
  38. The Number One Destroyer Of Family Life
  39. I don’t believe it
  40. Is Your Diet Making You Aggressive?

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Going on holiday is… silence in your head

An average Westerner lives in his head. From kindergarten until university he is indoctrinated with the idea that there is an answer to every question and a solution to every problem. In this way his need to understand and control keeps the illusion alive that we have a grip on our reality and have everything under control.

But nothing is further from the truth.

In his book ‘De Schaduw van de Verlichting” Eddy Van Tilt speaks about ‘the over-drive of rationality‘.Because we give our ratio absolute status , we have become estranged of that part of reality that is not rational and with which we have lost touch.

The psychologist Van Tilt asks :

” What happened that caused the heads of Westerners to become so hard and their hearts so weak?”

Because he is confronted with the pathological results of too much ego, the delusion of manipulability and rationalising.

The psychiatrist Mark Epstein reacts to this as follows :

our thinking mind is compulsive, because it does not want to forget or be forgotten and therefore always has something to do’.

That is why it will not be easy to ” let go of everything” on holiday.
Because as hungry and restless as our mind is preoccupied with the past and the future, it will need other kinds of stimuli, in order not to forget or be forgotten.

We can put our mind at rest.
In the first place by keeping our heart open, by simply observing what happens inside ourselves and by reconnecting with our body, our surroundings, and by accepting …to be moved. When we enter silence, we will experience “now” and  not so much hearing it, but rather feeling it or even better …. experiencing it.
 
To obtain this , it is not necessary to leave your ego or anything else behind, but to look past its borders.

By standing still we do not see new things, but we look at things in a different way’,

is what C.G. Jung concluded once.

Or how going on holiday is mainly… silence in your head and heart.

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Preceding:

Summerholiday season time to read the Bible

Holiday making and dreaming

Home-stayers and their to do list

Written by inspiration of God for our admonition, to whom it shall be imputed if they believe

Dutch version / Nederlandstalige versie: Vakantie is… stilte in je hoofd

English: Sigmund Freud, G. Stanley Hall, C.G. ...

Sigmund Freud, G. Stanley Hall, C.G. Jung, A.A. Brill, Ernest Jones, and Sándor Ferenczi posed at Clark University, Worcester, Mass. Photograph first published in September 1909. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Additional reading:

  1. Be still and listen
  2. Control and change
  3. Control your destiny or somebody else will
  4. Malefactors becoming your master
  5. Patience is the ability to count down before blasting off
  6. He who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger
  7. Know Who goes with us and don’t try to control life
  8. A Living Faith #7 Prayer
  9. Praying is surrendering in all circumstances
  10. Giving cogent reasons to young people why Christian faith is relevant to them

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Further reading:

  1. Rationalisation
  2. I’m proud of me
  3. Day 300: Rationalising Not Buying Anything
  4. Day 552 (or 1 Year, 6 Months, and 7 Days of Continuous Sobriety)
  5. When We Shouldn’t – And Should – Argue from Authority
  6. Hofstadterisms
  7. Why imagination is great (and why many evangelicals don’t like it)
  8. People focus on what they can see
  9. An Artifact of Our Time
  10. Are biases deviations from the mean?
  11. Do we really live in the Age of Empathy?
  12. Excellent. With musings on religion and mass extinctions.
  13. Rationality as a Social Process
  14. Illogical Rationality
  15. Sam Harris’s War on Rationality
  16. The Image of Objectivity
  17. Looking at the world through the eyes of others
  18. Relapse
  19. Working toward a new paradigm
  20. Does your brain know what’s best for you?
  21. Effective Altruism: the global movement that combines your heart and your head
  22. Animal rationality
  23. Do irrational idiots exist?
  24. The Grasshopper and the Ant – a story of economic rationality
  25. Maybe Everyone Is Actually Super Rational!
  26. Note: Misconceptions on Understanding
  27. Too many decisions can be exhausting.
  28. How to make the best decisions you can
  29. Rationality over the long term
  30. Desperate for a “Pause”
  31. “Time to take out the trash”
  32. It doesn’t always stand to reason

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Illusion of control

Fraser Illusion

Fraser Illusion (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

To remember:

  • illusion of being in control of your own life = an intricate one.
    entertain dreams of kids +  letting them believe => Making them see a perfect illusion of the world > utopian world
  • Sometimes perseverance isn’t the key
  • Fate = key
  • external locus of control

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Additional reading:

  1. My life…
  2. Your struggles develop your strengths
  3. Suffering produces perseverance
  4. Just be yourself…
  5. Developing new energy
  6. Kindness
  7. Continuing Paul’s Prayer Requests
  8. A Living Faith #5 Perseverance
  9. A Living Faith #7 Prayer
  10. God’s wrath and sanctification

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  • Locus Of Control Is Alive And Well In The Workplace (thoughtcatalog.com)
    Locus of control is the idea that people have direct power over events in their own lives. Furthermore, locus of control involves how these events impact, motivate, or empower a person on a multitude of levels. There is a measurable means of pinpointing where someone’s locus of control falls in the grand scheme of things. This brings us to the concept of internal (inner) versus external (outer) locus of control.
  • A Hundred Days to Happiness #21: Happiness in the Face of Stress (davidicuswong.wordpress.com)
    Distress, however, is from negative stress or stress that overwhelms us. This can affect us mentally and physically. It can take the form of competing demands from your work, school, home or social lives, an abusive or adversarial relationship, or situations that seem beyond your control.We function at our best when the challenge of our activities matches our resources and abilities. An example would be the perfect job that absorbs all of your attention, engages your talents and provides you with the time and support you need.
  • No More Mister Nice Guy (lewrockwell.com)
    Nice Guys take a passive approach to life and relationships. Instead of standing up for themselves, they let others walk all over them. They’re pushovers and perennial People Pleasers. Nice Guys have a hard time saying no to requests — even unreasonable ones. They’re considerate to a fault. When they want or need something, they’re afraid to ask for it because they don’t want to inconvenience others. Nice Guys also avoid conflict like the plague. They’d rather get along than get ahead.
  • The one about getting distracted, mean tweets and balance #28daysofwriting (chrisharte.typepad.com)
    Our young people are constantly jacked in to a stream of distractions, from Facebook (which they are all abandoning like rats apparently), to Instagram, the deliberately ephemeral SnapChat and the exponentially exploding YouTube, with 100 hours of new video being uploaded every minute.
  • Social Mobility and “Locus of Control” (cato.org)
    Plenty of research confirms that everyone likes to attribute their successes in life to their own virtues, and their disappointments to misfortune.  Only at the end of the article does it float the possibility that the causality may, at least in part, run in the other direction: That believing it’s a matter of luck how one fares in life may lead one to do less well, while believing (even somewhat unrealistically) that your fate is in your own hands is a prerequisite for having the motivation to do as well as you can. Perhaps—and there’s a whiff of paradox here—a belief in that kind of personal responsibility for outcomes is one of the lucky advantages that affluent parents pass on to their children.
  • Tremendous Power Lies In Your Hands (kisslesslove.com)
    In order to be successful at any one endeavour we decide to pursue from the depths of our mind, is simply through massive actions. If we were to admit that the outcome of any events because of external circumstances, then we fail to exercise our power as a strong person.Luck then becomes a scape goat for our lack thereof. Therefore, it is dangerous if we consistently push outcomes as a result of luck. In fact, powerful people have been identified with strong internal locus of control. This means that they firmly believe their lives are a result of their actions and inaction.
  • Modesty and the Lust of Men (godaslove.wordpress.com)
    Women are told that if they do not conceal their femininity adequately, they will “cause” men to fall prey to the sin of “lust.”
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    The temptation to sin comes from within a person, not from without. It is also important to recognize that we can always say “no”: “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure” (1 Corinthians 10:13, NLT).
  • Talkin’ About Your Generation (psychologicalscience.org)
    We tend to view our preferences and idiosyncrasies as inherently singular — a unique cocktail of traits that emerges from mixing genetic predispositions with our familial and social experiences. But ever since Karl Mannheim proposed his theory of generations in a seminal 1923 essay, researchers have tried to elucidate the influence of the sociocultural environment — including those influences unique to each generation — on aspects of our personalities and attitudes.
  • God’s voice or mine? Knowing the difference, (part 5, reputation) (faithsighanddiy.com)
    Whenever we are deciding what behavior is or is not right for us as followers of Christ, the one thing we mustn’t do is adopt any behavior or give up any behavior in an attempt to appear more righteous or holier than we are. Whatever we decide should be because we simply want to become closer to God. Jesus condemned the Pharisees who used their behavior as a means of appearing better than anyone else, while at the same time treating people poorly. Integrity is more important than image.
  • Letters: Teaching Character in Our Schools (rss.nytimes.com)

    if schools learn to teach beyond grit alone, it won’t. The best schools are already pairing grit (or more eloquently, resilience) alongside other character skills like creativity, teamwork, ethics, curiosity and time management.

    When it comes to developing children in this way, we don’t simply want a swinging pendulum; we need schools to function like clockwork.

     

Awordseeker

The illusion of you being in control of your own life is quite an intricate one.
Just like adults entertain the dreams of kids bt letting them believe that they have built an actual castle in stead of a sand one.
We let them feel they can do whatever they want.
Are we making them brave,by having the courage to dream? By letting them believe that dreams do come true? Or are we damaging their sense of the reality . Making them see a perfect illusion of the world. A utopian world which doesn’t exist. Are we building them up for a big heartbreak for their future when the reality of life and the world comes crashing down on them?
The fact is that sometimes no matter what you do, it’s never enough. Sometimes perseverance isn’t the key. Fate is. Sometimes even in moments of utter desperation you know no…

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