Author Archives: lizaborstlap

About lizaborstlap

My life journey humbled me in many ways. Writing helped me to heal, to grow and to learn about myself. Journaling is a lot like meditation, it brings a sense of calm to my day. “To let go and embrace healing is always the most courageous path. Forget the words and write your truth.” ~ Claire De Boer

When you stay in your lane, there’s no traffic.

By Liza Borstlap

image

I found personal happiness as a direct result of family conflict. The interaction left deep scars and I spent many years mourning the loss of my family and my relationships with them. It remains a questionable subject and not every person that I meet fully understands the extent of the consequences of my decision.

Looking back on my history with my family, I can identify the tipping point where I made a final decision that set me completely free.

A lifetime can well be spent correcting and improving one’s own faults without bothering about others. (Edward Weston)

Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before. (1 Thessalonians 4:11)

The wind blows where it pleases, you hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit. (John 3:8)

image

We talk about family as if it is a perfect unit that shields the individual from a cruel society. We remain silent about the interference, the neglect, the labelling and toxic in-fighting that often leaves a person with a limp. We secretly cover the failures and mishaps until we can identify the black sheep that can take the blame.

I came to believe that the conflict in my family had created itself. I was suffocating from the indifference and interference in my life. The emotional agitation and stress became so unbearable that I had no inner peace left. For my own self-preservation, I became emotionally detached.

After the split, it took a long time for me to heal from the emotional damage. I hid myself away for a few years before I had the courage to look at my reality again. At first I was ashamed to admit to anyone that I had no contact with my family, which fuelled the misconception of what had actually happened. I inadvertently created a breeding field for lies to fester. I tried to compose myself by not taking other people’s emotions or perceptions too personally. I know of others who become insecure or who suffer from over-achievement, all in the pursuit of self-acceptance.

You cannot control anyone else’s journey through life. Focus on your own. Compassion, honesty, self-scrutiny, and an open mind are the only ‘one way’ to interact sanely and successfully with others. (Martha Beck)

image

I had many moments of doubt when I questioned my sanity. I wondered about the impact of my decision on my children and wondered if my family even missed me, but I decided that I wouldn’t conform to society’s standards just for the sake of pretence. I realised in this isolated state that other people’s opinions do not define who I am in God’s eyes. I felt freedom. There were also days when I felt completely overwhelmed by the lack of any support system. I realised I was wasting a lot of energy on negative and false emotions.

I had a choice.

I chose to stay calm and focussed on God, despite the circumstances in my life, as God really is the only constant in life.

image

Why do some people interfere in other people’s lives? Because they are curious… because they are control freaks… because they can ignore their own weaknesses if they focus on yours…

Life became easier when I started to focus on my own unique abilities, talents and giftings. I had complete freedom to raise my children in my own way. Only God would make it possible for us to survive and to prosper. We could tend to our own business.

Interfering in someone else’s argument is as foolish as yanking a dog’s ears. (Proverbs 26:17)

We hear that some of you are living in idleness. You are not busy working – you are busy interfering with other people’s lives! We order and encourage such people by the Lord Jesus, the Messiah, to do their work quietly and to earn their own living. Brothers, do not get tired of doing what is right. (2 Thessalonians 3:11-13)

Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. (1 Timothy 5:13)

I have a different perspective on the quality of relationships that I allow in my life today. If I don’t meet my own minimum requirements, I will always value other people’s opinions more than my own. The minute I fear rejection, I compromise my own well-being.

I often heard the statement that ‘happiness is an inside job’, but I know now that the people around me have a profound impact on my well-being. If I am dragged down by other people’s opinions about my life, or if someone is constantly reminding me about past failures, I see no value in the relationship. I am careful of people who keep lies alive through gossip or slander.

image

Let every fox take care of its own tail. (Italian Proverb)

Keep your nose out of another’s mess. (Denmark Proverb)

Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people. (Eleanor Roosevelt)

After many years of swinging between certainty and doubt, I found my final solace in the Bible. The Old Testament is filled with stories of family conflict and disrupted relationships. More often than not, the feud resulted in a good outcome.

I know today that God sometimes allows conflict for a specific purpose. When that happens to me, He covers me with His grace.

God has evoked conflict. The conflict causes pain and shame to every player, but God doesn’t shrink from the conflict, for a holy purpose is underway. The way of God will not be explained. (Brueggemann)

God’s grace often goes against propriety, social convention, and the ‘normal’ way for this world. (Steven Fettke)

image

I walk away when…

Someone gives me unsolicited advice.

I wonder if someone really wants to help me, or if they are just curious.

My situation affects someone else.

Someone intrudes on my turf.

I feel blind sighted.

I feel like a fish being reeled into someone else’s issues.

Good advice

If you overhear something of note between two people, or a group of people, but the topic does not concern you or affect you in any way, then let the matter stay between the people it concerns. (Unknown)

There is nothing more provocative than minding your own business. (William S. Burroughs)

Don’t bother to ring a bell in the ear that doesn’t listen. Move to another ear, and if he doesn’t listen to your bell, sit back and listen to his nemesis. (Michael Bassey Johnson)

You would be very surprised with how much positive changes you could make in your life, if you could make it your top priority to mind your own business. (Edmond Mbiaka)

To be busy minding other people’s business, is to leave one’s personal business unattended to. (Edmond Mbiaka)

While you are too busy minding other people’s business, who is minding yours? (Edmond Mbiaka)

image

 

3 Comments

Filed under Geestelijke aangelegenheden, Knowledge & Wisdom, Quotations from Holy Scriptures, Quotations or Citations, Spiritual affairs

stukkies onthou

heart prints

image31 Augustus 2016
Dít het ek oor die lewe geleer…dit gaan aan…

22 Junie 2010
Draai
Be still and know that I am God
Hy weét
Preparation meets opportunity so sê Charlotte
Die fyn lyn om nie weer in te gryp nie
Om nie te survive nie
Nie te panic nie
Wag op Hom
Hy is my kans, my Redder
Hy sál my lei

Iewers in Junie 2010
Waar is ek op hierdie oomblik?
Wat voel ek?
Wat dink ek?

Ek kan nie sê dat ek deurmekaar is nie,
want daar is stilte in my kop.
Nothingness…

image

10 Augustus 2010
ek het gesukkel om ou bokse
doelbewus
weer oop te maak
en na gisteraand se teaching
besef ek dat ek die
gemors kan kill
wegry asgate toe
ek sal vra vir confirmation
maar hier waar
ek nou is
voel dit reg
God is groot
en kragtig
aan die werk
hier

View original post 154 more words

2 Comments

Filed under Afrikaanse tekste, Gedichten - Poëzie, Geestelijke aangelegenheden, Kennis en Wijsheid, Poetry - Poems

powerless

image

The Beginning

We build our own prisons, and carry them around. We bang our heads against heavy bars, and silently cry out for help. Some manipulative moves force us to our knees and we become immovable objects, trapped in the misery of our circumstance.

I felt like a caged bird. Trapped. Powerless.

What does it mean to be powerless? According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the definition of powerless is “without power, strength, or ability; wholly unable to act, influence, etc; helpless, impotent.”

Powerlessness implies a lack of control, yet we hold on to our false power and try to control our hurts. We bury the truth with denial and if that doesn’t pay off, we rationalize. If nothing works, we start the blaming game, losing precious energy, trying to escape our reality. Our lives become unmanageable. Resentments fester and grow like an emotional cancer.

Pity me O LORD, for I am weak. Heal me for my body is sick, and I am upset and disturbed. My mind is filled with apprehension and gloom. (Psalm 6:2-3, TLB)

I felt ashamed.

Problems far too big for me to solve are piled higher than my head. Meanwhile my sins, too many to count, have all caught up with me and I am ashamed to look up. (Psalm 40:12, TLB)

Whatever is covered up will be uncovered, and every secret will be made known. So then, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in broad daylight. (Luke 12:2-3, GNB)

Processed with Rookie Cam

I have no idea where you find yourself today. Perhaps you suffered from physical or emotional abuse; perhaps you had to suffer the consequences of having an alcoholic parent; perhaps you made horrible choices; perhaps you were subjected to verbal abuse or drugs; perhaps you had an abortion, or felt the shame of a teenage pregnancy; perhaps you experienced severe rejection by an absent parent or a painful divorce. The fact is, if you find yourself in a cage today, you need to re-examine your life.

Women lose their lives because they don’t realize that they can do things differently. If you stay in the cage too long, you become accustomed to the bars. Your powerlessness becomes your comfort zone. You wait for some external influence to change your situation. If nothing spectacular happens, you become angry and bitter. Unknowingly, you repeat the old family patterns and before long your children suffer the consequence of your ignorance. We lose respect for ourselves and our confidence disappears. How can we expect other people to respect us if we are deaf to our own inner voice?

The most common reason we stumble into the delusion of powerlessness is that we’re afraid of what other people would do, or say, or feel, if we were to act as we wanted. (Martha Beck)

image

The Middle…

I knew I had to let it go.

I had to let my carefully constructed life go.

I had to accept the truth of my situation and start the process of healing.

I had to identify each and every false structure in my life;

carefully examine the premise of each argument.

I had to be honest with myself first.

I needed a baseline from where I could present my case to the Lord.

I had to sacrifice the self-life.

I had to sacrifice the person that I have become while I was left to my own devices.

I had to empty myself.

I had to give God space to come in and begin His healing work.

I had to confess that I felt powerless,

that I needed God’s help.

They cried to the Lord in their troubles, and He rescued them! He led them from the darkness and shadow of death and snapped their chains. (Psalm 146:7, TLB)

He frees the prisoners … He lifts the burdens from those bent down beneath their loads. (Psalm 107:13-14, TLB)

I had to find the courage…

I had to settle in my own skin and stay there.

I had to find peace.

I had to let go of everything that tried to rob me of my peace.

I had to learn how to breathe.

I had to learn the art of slowing down and returning to peace.

I had to learn that tears are not a sign of weakness.

Tears soften and open the heart.

If you just start moving, you will feel better. (Oprah Winfrey)

Real power is usually unspectacular, a simple setting aside of fear that allows love. It changes everything. (Martha Beck)

I had to believe that there is a better world out there.

I had to find the open door.

I had to identify my choices.

I had to change my attitude, no longer thinking of myself as a victim of circumstance.

I had to learn to consider my options.

Every freedom can be taken from man except one: the freedom to choose his attitude of mind in any circumstance. (Victor Frankl)

The doors are wide open – women should have the courage to walk through. (Frene Ginwala)

image

The End.

I was ready to sacrifice my heart,

To give up my comfort zone.

I released the fear, not because I had the courage, but because I knew I had to DO something.

Nothing made sense, and for the first time in my life I could not trust my dysfunctional thoughts.

In my loneliness I realized that I could no longer serve myself.

My desperation for God overshadowed my fear.

God’s presence in my life annihilated my pride.

He made me aware of His grace.

His mercy.

He made me aware of my true self.

I was still sitting in my cage.

I had a lot of work to do.

I had a magnitude of realities to face.

But something stirred inside;

I felt a freedom that I never experienced before.

When we connect to God, we have access to a never-ending source of power. If you are struggling to let it all go; if you have issues with trust, consider reading the following verses to encourage yourself:

The Lord is my helper and I am not afraid of anything that mere man can do to me. (Hebrews 13:6, TLB)

Where God’s love is, there is no fear, because God’s perfect love drives out fear. (1 John 4:18, NCV)

Offer yourselves as a living sacrifice to God, dedicated to His service and pleasing to Him…let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. (Romans 12:1-2, TEV)

No one can be a slave to two masters; he will hate one and love the other; he will be loyal to one and despise the other. (Matthew 6:24, GNB)

Pride ends in a fall, while humility brings honor. (Proverbs 29:23, TLB)

Don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time. (Matthew 6:34, TLB)

Whoever clings to his life shall lose it, and whoever loses his life shall save it. (Luke 17:33, TLB)

image

A NEW Beginning…

When we gradually release the burden of our unexpressed grief, we can slowly move out of our past. If you acknowledge the truth of your life story, and you mourn for the little girl on the inside, God gives you the grace to re-parent yourself with gentleness, humour, love and respect. You can leave the cage, and savour it as a beautiful memory. You can even fly past it to thank God for rescuing you. God will open your wings, He will give you life, and you will receive JOY!

Know the truth, and the truth will set you free. (John 8:32)

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. (Isaiah 43:18)

No, dear brothers, I am still not all I should be but I am bringing all my energies to bear in this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. (Philippians 3:13, TLB)

Pictures: Pinterest

 

1 Comment

Filed under Aanhalingen uit Heilige Geschriften, Being and Feeling, Geestelijke aangelegenheden, Knowledge & Wisdom, Levensstijl, Positive thoughts, Quotations from Holy Scriptures, Reflection Texts, Spiritual affairs